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If Parenting was a Sport in the Olympics…

27 May
English: diaper pile

English: diaper pile (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It is starting already. Any time the TV is on (more often than the recommended 2 hours a day..) but whatever. There amongst the barrage of political ads are the Olympic ads. I love it. I love the Olympics. Ever since I was a little girl mesmerized by Mary Lou Retton doing Gymnastics in her star-spangled leotard, I have harbored a secret fantasy of becoming a professional athlete.

Sigh, an athlete, I am not! Oh, I took the lessons: Swimming, Diving and Gymnastics…but never could quite… yeah.

Now that I am a parent again with my desperate to be mobile wee man, I realize that PARENTING is a full contact, high endurance sport! All you Mommys and Daddys out there who have wrestled a poopy screaming child in and or out of that diaper/outfit knows, that nothing can come close to making you sweat and throw out your back in such a short time.

If PARENTING was Sport in the Olympics:

100 meter sprint: the distance between your child and imminent danger. The neighbor’s dog, the street, the stairs… This is the point when you first realize that your child can run FASTER than you!

Hurdles: all those toys spread haphazardly throughout your home and now stand between you and your screaming baby!

Shot Put: Make that Toy or Food Launch. Isn’t amazing how far those little arms can launch something across the room once they are done with it? Bonus points for food or juice splatter!

Pole Vaulting: Make that the Great Baby Escape. Basically the little buggers will do anything to launch themselves over and above any type of barrier we can come up with: cribs, play pen, play yard, you name it. Maybe it would be best to turn the TV off when this event is on, they don’t need to get any ideas…

Long Jump: What you will do when you discover your child poised to launch themselves from any surface higher than 3 inches above the ground. 3 feet if your child is older…

Swimming: AKA Bath time. For some reason babies are compelled to try and drink the bath water.

Greco-Roman Wrestling: Diaper Changing a baby who would rather: roll over or crawl away than wait for you to clean their tushie. Bonus points when poop is involved. Gold Medal if pee gets in the baby’s eyes while you are trying to apply diaper cream!

Gymnastics: Similar to above but add clothing either the application or removal of and you will find you need  to contort both yourself and your baby in ways never before attempted by a lay person.

Boxing: Verbal negotiations that start at around age 4 and continue forevermore from what I can tell.

As the Olympics descend and we take time to salute our athletes, I salute the everyday athletes, aka Mom and Dad. Ok, the young hopefuls deserve a hand too. Do you think they know that the real challenges are yet ahead of them? Shhhh don’t tell. We wouldn’t want to scare them, now would we?

If you can think of any additional events to add to the Parenting Olympics, please do!

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