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Not Applicable!??

28 May
Eeyore as depicted by Disney

Eeyore as depicted by Disney (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This past week or so has been a doozy. Not only am I packing up our place solo, but the kids and I were in a bit of a fender bender. As a result, I am sore all over. The middle of my back feels like I took a swift kick from a donkey.

Erring on the side of caution, and under the advice of several friends and family, I had it looked at. As I was filling out the forms and answering the routine questions, it came up: What do you do? (for a living). I’m a stay at home mom. Oh…… (dead silence). Three separate occasions this week, I’ve been asked this question with varying responses to my answer.  All vague and non-committal as if the person asking the question doesn’t know how to process parenthood as a profession.

A quick exam by the doctor and a few x-rays for good measure confirm that all is well. Just a muscle strain and a spasm. No medication since I’m still breastfeeding. $50 bucks and I’m on my way, trying to convince myself that the $50 for reassurance that nothing serious was going on, was well worth it.

And then…

My husband, through circumstances beyond his control, ended up at the same urgent care also with back pain. HE brings home multiple prescriptions, photo copies of stretches he’s supposed to do nightly AND work restrictions.


The next morning, Mr Crabby Pants is crying at my husband’s knees, I’ve got my hands full, and my husband looks at me and says with a degree of frustration, “Honey, can you get him, I’ve got work restrictions.”

That was the moment.That’s when it finally sunk in.

For those of us Mom’s (stay at home or otherwise) THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS WORK RESTRICTIONS! That whole section on the after-care release forms became Not Applicable the moment I said I was a stay at home mom.

No work restrictions for this or any stay at home mom. If the kid is crying, we pick him up! Blood, puke, snot or tears, it’s always Mommy to the rescue.

And, at the end of the day, after that friendly kick from Eeyore really settles in, I wouldn’t change a thing.

That Wasn’t In My Master-Plan!

20 May
Superman making his debut in Action Comics No....

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m a planning/organizing geek. Or maybe freak is a better fit.

Either way, when I realized just how short of a time-frame I would be packing up our household (mostly solo), I grabbed a pen and paper and Made A LIST! Then, I drew out a master schedule, day-by-day and assigned tasks accordingly. Visit from Sister and Brother-In-Law, no problem! I left those days blank. Birthday Party? Check! I got it covered. Until a couple of days ago, I was not only on target, but possibly a little ahead of schedule.

Then, Mr Crabby Pants took a little tumble, and landed just so as to end up needing a staple in his head.

Ok, I got it. We’re moving along. Of course for some reason that song “Kryptonite” keeps  popping up in my head: If I go crazy, then will you still call me Superman? I attribute this partly to the Superman bandages I bought to prevent him from DIY staple removal.

What I did NOT plan on, was being rear-ended on my way home from church yesterday. It’s T-minus 3 weeks to till we are rolling out-of-town here and CAR REPAIRS were not on my master list! Thankfully we’re all ok. But, seriously, I need to be able to access my trunk.

I’m waiting for a claim rep to get in contact with me, “Sometime before 5”, according to the Customer Service Rep I talked with yesterday.

Can you hear my fingers drumming? Can you???

Mama, I’m Watching You

11 May


We learn from watching others.

Simple as that, from the beginning of time.

These days I’m equal parts amazed, astounded and appalled by what Mr Crabby Pants can get up to just by watching me.  For example, I found it amazing when he decided he wants to start using the toilet (going through the motions) at less than 18 mos old. I was appalled when he removed the “childproof” cap from a bottle of children’s ibuprofen I had on my dresser. You see?

He’s not the only one who watches and learns, though. I do too. I have been watching and learning from other moms for years before I became a mom myself. In the spirit of Mother’s Day, I’m sharing some of the Top Tips that I’ve learned:

1: Never sit down to breastfeed a baby without a large glass of water within arms reach.

2. Sleep when your baby sleeps. Hard to do, I know, but essential for survival when said baby is pulling all-nighters.

3. Read to your baby. Even if it’s boring grown-up stuff, they will grow into readers by your example.

4. It’s ok to not feel comfortable breastfeeding in front of your father-in-law.

5. It’s ok to feel comfortable breastfeeding whenever and wherever that screaming baby demands it.

6. A full body hug from Mom can sooth any owwie.

7. Finishing what your child doesn’t eat is natural.

8. Singing with your kids is fun.

9.It’s ok not to use the phrase “Use Your Words”, because you don’t know what that means.

10. Sometimes, Mommy needs a time out too.

5 minutes all to myself……….. I’ll take it!

If only in my dreams.

Happy Mother’s Day!


True Confessions of a Less-Than-Perfect-Mom

12 Apr

I’m not a perfect mom, I don’t have any qualms saying this. In fact, it’s a relief really.

5 second rule be damned

In honor of all you other less-than-perfect-parent out there,  I will confess my top 5 “sins”.

  1. I celebrate, support, and even champion The 5 Second Rule. I refuse to throw away perfectly good food due to the wild whims of a toddler.
  2. I have been a complete failure at getting either of my children to sleep in a crib. Like, ever.
  3. I laugh at my kids. There are days when you either laugh or you cry, and I chose to laugh. Even at inappropriate moments.
  4. I wear my “postpartum uniform” of yoga pants, a nursing tank and a t-shirt on days when I just don’t feel like getting dressed; often accessorized with snot stains, sweat stains and other stains I don’t care to examine too closely.
  5. I yell and growl when frustrated, and more than I realized. I figured this out when the baby started to growl back. OOPS!

Parenthood is tough stuff no matter how you slice it. None of us are perfect. Have a wonderfully, imperfect day and hug those kids!

It Shouldn’t Be A Surprise

19 Mar

Maybe I jinxed myself all those months ago, back when I was still pregnant. Because every time we were looking at baby stuff, I was automatically drawn to everything and anything with a MONKEY on it.

Foreshadowing? Maybe.

At the ripe old age of fifteen months, my sweet baby boy has managed the new skill of climbing unassisted out of his play pen. It seems that the aluminum frame and mesh side panels that I painstakingly picked out and purchased a year ago is just no match for my little monkey. He’s not too tall, he’s actually on the lower end of the growth chart… He’s just strong and fearless and determined.

All I wanted was a safe place to put him when his sister was feeling a little less than sisterly, or if I wanted to vacuum, or run out the car for a load of groceries… you get the gist.

I packed it up today. After taking multiple pictures of it from different angles so I can list it on Craigslist!

winter 2013 003

Frustration: The Mother of Invention?

28 Feb

I’m trying to lose those last few pounds of baby weight, plus the couple that creeped back on over the holidays. Me, being me, I have plans:

I will eat more vegetables

I will workout at least 30 minutes a day

I will cut Coke back out of my life, this is not my first time, read my good-bye letter here

I will plan not only what’s for dinner but breakfast and lunch too

Ambitious right?

The other day I spent all day cooking and made these frittata things that you make in a cupcake pan so it’s all pre-portioned and sitting in the fridge ready to go. (Baked omelets for non-cooking people)

Except, the damn things stuck to the pan and I was only able to get the tops off. Frittata  tops anyone?

Then, for the last week, yes, it’s taken a week, I have been trying to get the cupcake pan clean.  I was just giving it another go, and actively contemplating tossing the thing in the recycle bin. I started scratching at it with my finger and it started coming off. Now, I don’t have the time or the patience to finger-scrape a cupcake pan. It is nap-time after all and only last so long.

English: A tin with large divets in it, for ma...

English: A tin with large divets in it, for making cupcakes. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

But, I started thinking, what do I have that will act like a little scraper, since my bigger scraper had not worked. and it came to me.

My GRAPEFRUIT cutter thingy that my mom got me years ago from Tupperware.

Now, I’m not a grapefruit fan, although every few years I try it out again. But, that little baby is handy at other citrus fruit. AND I’ve recently discovered it’s good for opening the lid to salad dressing.  On that line that says “cut here” or whatever nonsense, just line up the cutter like you’re cutting the foil on a wine bottle, and there you go! Come to think of it, this little tool is coming in pretty handy these days. Thanks Mom!

Needless to say, I had to share my excitement with you.

And hey, if you have any kitchen gadgets that you use for other things, let me know. I’m always looking for shortcuts!

Mirror, Mirror, Tell Me Lies

9 Feb
English: Old make-up mirror. Deutsch: Alter Sc...

Who’s The Fairest Of Them All?

Does your bathroom mirror lie to you too?

I’m convinced mine does. It’s hard enough that I’ve had a certain birthday in the last month that lies midway between words that rhyme with “dirty” and “lordy”.

I know that I’m not 18 anymore with a lifeguards body and tan to prove it.

I acknowledge that most days I don’t spend much more time on my appearance than applying moisturizer and pinning my still growing out pixie cut from my eyes. BIG mistake on that cut.

Most days, I feel ok over all when I glance in the mirror and head out the door.

And then…..

The lies that my bathroom mirror has been telling me begin to crumble and fall apart.

First it’s my review mirror as I’m backing out of my parking space….. Are those my eyebrows up there or did a pair of caterpillars take up residence? Why don’t I keep tweezers in the car????

Then it’s the full length mirrors on display at Target. Wow, I thought this shirt hid the muffin top better than this. Maybe I should have ironed it after all.

Last but not least is the mirror over the bathroom sink in Wal-Mart. Do I really look that tired? I thought this miracle BB cream stuff was supposed to hide all under-eye baggage that comes from being woken by a crabby baby over and over again. Maybe not.

Just when I’m feeling sad and defeated I catch a glimpse of my sweet baby boy and he smiles at me as if lit from within.

Suddenly, I’m the most beautiful girl in the world.

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