When Words Bring Tears

11 Sep

As anyone who has followed or stumbled upon this blog has noticed, I’ve not posted a word in over a year. To my loving family and friends, thank you for your understanding.

A little less than a year ago, my dearly loved sister-in-law lost her looooong battle with ovarian cancer.

I miss her. Every. Single. Day. And if she were able to read this, this is what I’d say.

Dear Sis,

You are such an inspiration to all that know you. Really and truly you are. Since you received your diagnosis those eight years ago, you’ve not let anything or anyone slow you down. I don’t know if I told you how awesome I thought you and K were to chuck the jobs you both hated and move to Vegas and live your lives together Your Way. Your courage and determination and sassy spirit and kind heart drew so many people to you, maybe you’ve noticed.

I see a good deal of you in Miss Sassy Pants, for better or for worse. Because when I text you detailed conversations that little Miss and I have, it’s because I know that she gets it from you, and that as much as it makes me want to pull my hair out, she will be strong like you. And at the very least, I know that these slices of everyday life and everyday sassiness are precious and just damn funny. Even if at my expense.

Mr. Crabby Pants on the other hand is typically anything but crabby. He’s got your joi de vivre and nothing gets his spirits down. He also has the same twinkle in his eye that your brother does. Lord help me as he gets older. I probably let him get away with more than I should, because he’s just so happy, and so darn cute.

I’m so thankful we were able to get out to see you last fall. It is a treasured memory, watching the kids hug and kiss you and being there with all the family. The love in your eyes is something I carry with me.

I’m not going to lie, some days are hard. There have been countless moments I’ve wanted to call or text you about the ridiculously awesome things your niece and nephew do and say. I can still hear the laughter that was so often in your voice when we did talk. And that’s when the tears come. Trying to put together the words, any words, and knowing you won’t be reading them, laughing at the randomness that is life, brings an incredible ache. So I’ve been stuck. Knowing you wouldn’t want that for a second, and how you supported all our crazy dreams, I’m going to start writing again. I couldn’t do it without telling you how much I love you.

Always

Cat

One Response to “When Words Bring Tears”

  1. Holly September 12, 2015 at 1:49 pm #

    Very nice.

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